


The Virginity Police

by Scotch



Series: Avengers Oneshots [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Bottom Steve, Crack Treated Seriously, First Dates, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Snarky Tony, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:38:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scotch/pseuds/Scotch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang's had it with Captain Chastity's prudish ways – even Bruce.  So when Natasha gives him an ultimatum, he's really run out of options to avoid it.  Still, no one was expecting him to pick Tony to be the one to pop his cherry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Virginity Police

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing and am not making any kind of profit from writing this!
> 
> Just an idea that popped into my head! Not beta'd so I'd appreciate if you'd let me know if you spot any errors. There probably are some, ugh.

"Steve, we called you here to discuss an urgent matter." Tony said and clapped a hand on the the super soldier's shoulder. "Your virginity."

_Here we go again..._

Really, he should have seen this coming a mile away.

Why did they not just understand that, in the forties, premarital sex was a huge taboo? Could they not not at least respect the fact that he was _not okay_ with the fact that everything they did revolved around sex? He didn't hold their choices against them, so what was so wrong with what he wanted?

Steve could kill himself for even giving them permission to have team meetings without him.

Apparently they wouldn't let this whole thing drop if their lives depended on it, and if that wasn't bad enough, there was obviously some actual planning behind this particular discussion.

Heaving a sigh, Steve sat down beside Tony's empty chair, at the large circular glass table in the lounge that Tony built for them in the Avenger's tower. This was where they shared their meals, had their meetings and hung out in their downtime. The room was tastefully decorated in a clean, modern theme with several leather sofas, a small breakfast bar and a kitchenette.

Uncertainly, Steve glanced at the others.

Natasha was sitting across from him with her arms folded across her chest in a very business-like manner. She was wearing that ridiculous cat-suit that should be all kinds of illegal for how little it left to the imagination. Her red hair was left down and was a little frizzy from just finishing her daily workout before the meeting.

Bruce was wearing his usual shabby lab coat and seemed more interested in something on his Starkphone than what was going around him. Bruce was (thankfully) usually completely indifferent whenever this idiotic subject came to the table.

Tony gave him a shit-eating grin and plopped into the chair to his right. He was wearing a pair of ratty jeans and a worn to death ACDC t-shirt that reeked of motor oil. Obviously, the engineer had spent the better part of the day messing around in his workshop.

Clint wasn't even at the table, he was on one of the couches losing badly at _Need for Speed._ Steve was sure he knew what the topic of the meeting was about, though.

"Get your ass over here, Clint." Natasha said to him. He sulked for a moment, before pausing the game and flopping into the empty chair beside Natasha.

"So, what's going on? We're _not_ discussing my... Ahem." Steve cleared his throat and blushed. They were all trying not to laugh at him. He could even hear Tony snickering as he took a sip of scotch from a decorative glass next to him.

"Steve, you _really_ need to get laid. Just get it over with." Clint said and rolled his eyes.

"Jesus, Clint. What are you, the virginity police?" Tony quipped. "...Not that I disagree. You should pop that cherry there, Captain Chastity."

 _Captain Chastity? Really?_ Steve sighed and ran his fingers through his neatly trimmed blonde hair. This was going to be the death of him, seriously.

"Boys, behave." Natasha admonished them. "Actually Steve, that _is_ why we're here. To give you an ultimatum. Tomorrow night, you are losing your virginity. You have until breakfast to decide which one of us you want to do it. If you don't, we'll pick for you."

Steve blinked and looked around at everyone's completely serious faces, even Bruce gave him a small nod.

"That's... N-No. I don't have to consent to this." Steve stammered. "Natasha's the only woman!"

"It's the 21st century, kiddo. Being gay isn't an instant ticket to hell anymore. Well, mostly." Tony replied in a bored tone.

"I need to – ugh. No. I am _not_ homosexual!" Steve growled and stormed away.

* * *

Steve went to the gym; taking out his aggression on a punching bag usually did the trick. It was easy to forget his troubles for a while he pushed himself to the limit, lost in the familiar pattern of training his body. In fact, he was restless if he was still for too long. Though, that probably had more to do with the super soldier serum than his actual habits.

What he wouldn't give to be drowning in a bottle of Jack Daniel's right now. If only he could actually _get_ drunk...

"Steve, let's talk for a minute." Natasha.

He sighed and landed one last punch against the heavy sandbag hanging from the ceiling before he acknowledged her.

"Drop it." Steve grunted.

"No. You need this, and no excuse you can come up with is going to convince me otherwise." Natasha told him firmly. "Talk to Stark. If you don't avoid the subject like the plague and act like a mature adult, I'm sure he can give you some advice without being an arrogant ass about it."

"Nat, I don't need -"

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, Steve." Natasha said and gave him a friendly wave as she disappeared out the door as silently as she'd entered.

Why did they all assume he was gay? All right, so Steve couldn't deny that he wasn't particularly attracted to women. Peggy was an exception, but she was... _exceptional_. He sometimes had various sexual fantasies that involved men, but he would _never_ admit it, and even less think of actually having sex with a man.

It's disgusting.

Wrong.

Dirty.

Well, that was what he had always been told. Maybe Natasha was right, and he needed to address that part of himself. If Steve had learned anything since his whole adventure as a super hero began, it was that doing what he was told wasn't always the answer. True, he would follow orders when they were given most of the time. But sometimes, he questioned them. ...Especially after Fury mislead them about using the Tesseract to build weapons.

Maybe this was the same; maybe it was something he needed to decide for himself.

* * *

When he wandered into Tony's workshop with coffee as a peace offering, the engineer was neck-deep in hologram projections of blueprints for a new Iron Man suit. ...Not that he _needed_ any more of them. Though, since his rather explosive break-up with Pepper, Tony rarely left his shop as he spent most of his time blowing things up or building new suits.

...When he wasn't passed out drunk in his penthouse.

"Tony, are you busy right now?" Tony looked up from a tablet he was holding and smiled at him.

"Anything for you, sweetheart." He said with a wink. Steve rolled his eyes.

"I brought you coffee." He said stiffly.

"Are you trying to wine and dine me?" Tony said and laughed.

"Damn it, no!" Steve hissed. Tony snickered as he took a sip of the Coffee Steve handed him.

"I think I deserve a trophy, or a medal at least. I just made Captain America swear. I'm officially awesome." Tony replied, and shoved a bunch of junk metal parts off the spare office chair next to him.

"Here, sit. Since I'm guessing you didn't come down here just to bring me coffee like a good little maid." Steve muttered under his breath and sat down in the chair, carefully moving a half-built gauntlet that was hanging precariously off the edge of Tony's work table.

"Yeah, I was kind of hoping I could ask you a few things. You know... About that ridiculous conversation we had earlier." Steve said awkwardly and thanked God it was dark in the shop so Tony probably couldn't see him blushing.

"Oh, all right. Ask away. I promise I won't make fun of you unless it's something really idiotic." Tony said flippantly and closed out a couple of the holograms that he didn't need anymore.

"Well, about being gay... I was raised thinking that being a lecher who gambled, drank, raped his daughter and beat his wife was better than being gay." Steve said hesitantly. "But it's really... _normal_ now?" Tony sighed and gave Steve a sideways glance.

"There's still some religious fundamentalists out there that think you'll go to hell and all that, but for the most part it's tolerated. You can get married in most states now. There's a lot of support groups out there, too." Tony told him with a smile. Steve just looked at the ground.

"It's not like you have to go put on a pink thong and march in the gay pride parade. No one has to know if you don't want them to, but don't be afraid to be who you are just because some old fart in a robe who hasn't gotten any in twenty years says it's wrong to like boys. No one has the right tell you what you can and can't do in your own bed." The engineer replied and pulled out his Starkphone to see a ton of missed texts from Pepper.

"The way people view sex now is so... different. In my time, practically everyone in this city would be disowned for being some kind of disgusting heathen." Steve mumbled. "Have you ever had sex with a man?"

"Hmm? Yeah. A few times. Though, you know, I was raised to have the same opinion as you. There should be a picture of my father in the dictionary under 'homophobia'. He always wanted me to grow up to be just like _Captain America_. Good, Christian, and definitely _not gay_. Obviously, I missed the mark by more than a few miles. No offense to you though, Steve. Anyway, I was thirty before I got drunk enough to sleep with a guy. I don't remember it much, just that I really liked it, and that it made me feel like shit because it was _wrong_." Tony said and dropped his phone carelessly on top of a pile of paperwork.

"What changed your mind?" Steve asked curiously.

"I went to a councilor." Tony told him. "It took a while, and a lot of talking in circles. Eventually I realized that I had no place hating myself because I liked sleeping with guys, when I'm completely fine with letting a chick tie me up and beat the shit out of me. I've done way nastier things with women than I ever have with men." Steve blushed furiously at the image and looked away.

"Hey, listen up Capcicle – don't be ashamed of yourself because someone else said something's wrong. Try it, and decide for yourself. That's like never wanting to eat vanilla ice cream, even though it's your favorite flavor, just because daddy told you that good little boys only eat chocolate." Tony told him. Steve smiled slightly.

"Thanks Stark, sometimes you're not an arrogant, self-righteous narcissist." Steve said with a smirk. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Just do me a favor and don't pick Bruce; I think he'll have a heart attack and he's probably the only one of us idiots that actually knows CPR." Tony said and shook his head at the image of poor Bruce being put in that situation, even though they both knew he wasn't technically capable of having sex in the first place. Poor guy.

"Good night, Tony." Steve said headed for the elevator. "Don't forget to sleep."

"Eh, sleep I can live without. It's when I forget to eat that we've got a problem, though Jarvis usually badgers me into foraging for something." Tony replied as Steve left.

* * *

The following morning, Steve found himself seated the table in the lounge with the others. He looked down into his coffee, thinking over his decision one last time. The silence was killing him, until Clint cleared his throat.

"So, who's it gonna be?" The archer asked and yawned. Steve looked up at Natasha who met his eyes and raised an eyebrow, then to Tony who was completely not paying attention, while he was arguing with Pepper on the phone about a Stark Industries board meeting the day before.

Steve bit his lip and watched Tony out of the corner of his eye as he hung up on pepper and muttered mutinously under his breath.

"Well?" Natasha wheedled, kicking him under the table. He glared daggers at her and closed his eyes.

"Tony." He said flatly. Clint choked on his coffee, Natasha smiled knowingly and Bruce just shook his head. Tony looked up from his phone and blinked.

"Yeah? What?" He said, frowning.

"Fucking hell." Steve swore. "You ass. I just chose you to... To fix my... problem."

"...And that's _twice_ I've made him swear in twenty-four hours. This time he actually said 'fuck'. Someone _seriously_ needs to give me a goddamn medal." Tony said laughing. "All right, fine. I was looking for a good excuse to avoid Pepper and her drama for the day, anyway."

* * *

"So what made you pick me?" Tony asked curiously when they were finally alone, driving through New York in his black Corvette convertible. He was wearing a black suit and tie, and Steve a pair of khaki pants with a blue plaid shirt.

Steve sighed and leaned back in his seat.

"Because picking Bruce would have been mean, and between you and Clint... Well, I guess I trust you more. Natasha... Honestly Natasha scares me a little sometimes." Steve said quietly. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Shopping, and then out for an early dinner. What kind of date would it be if I didn't even buy you dinner?" Tony said, shaking his head.

"It doesn't have to be a date." Steve grumbled, blushing furiously.

"No, it doesn't, but sex always feels better when you build up to it. It's all a kind of foreplay. Spend the day together, have a nice time, and finish it off with a good night together. That's the idea, anyway. Besides, you want your first time to be worth remembering, right?" Tony explained as he stopped for a red light.

"Nervous?" He added with a grin.

"Yeah." Steve said, thinking that he face must be permanently pink from all the blushing he'd been doing lately.

"Good." Tony said mischievously. "Anticipation only makes it better when you're in good hands."

"You're killing me." Steve groaned, trying to figure out why anything about that statement was arousing in the slightest.

The first stop was Tony's fashion consultant, because he had a hunch that there might just not be anything in the universe sexier than Captain America in a custom tailored Armani suit. He made dinner reservations while Rick (whose fashion advice had never let Tony down) worked his magic on Steve.

Steve kind of hated all the attention at first, but something about being fawned over for something other than being Captain America felt kind of nice. He must have tried on fifty different suits before he and Rick finally picked one and brought him back out to Tony for 'inspection'.

He was not disappointed. Steve in a grey pinstripe suit with a blue tie that matched his eyes was almost too much for Tony to handle. Thank God Natasha wasn't there, she'd be drooling. Not that Tony _wasn't_ salivating at the thought of removing it later.

"Perfect. He'll take it. Burn that atrocious plaid shirt, or _fine_ just put it in the car – he'll wear this for now." Tony said and Steve fought the urge to kick him.

The next stop was Central Park, where they got some ice cream and just watched the people that wandered by for a while. Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd been there for something other than kicking some hydra goons' asses, or a corny publicity event. …Not since he was a kid, surely. Eating the ice cream was ridiculous, Steve was pretty sure Tony would murder him if he dripped any on his suit.

"You know, I can't remember the last time I just slacked off for a day." Tony said and stretched. "I forgot how nice it is."

"I don't think I've _ever_ spent an entire day doing nothing at least half-way productive." Steve replied. "It _is_ kind of nice."

"That may just be better than hearing you say 'fuck'." Tony said with a laugh and elbowed him in the ribs playfully. "I guess I'm doing something right. Rick sure did, those slacks make your ass look amazing."

Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head. He hoped maybe at least by the time Tony was done with him he wouldn't blush like a schoolgirl every time someone said something remotely sexual.

"You're doing that on purpose." Steve muttered, when he caught Tony licking his ice cream as sensuously as physically possible. He just smirked evilly.

The last stop, was Tony's favorite high class Italian restaurant. He'd reserved a table in the back corner away from everyone else in the hopes that Steve would chill out a bit. It was a nice place with a quiet, relaxed atmosphere with amazing food and even better booze. Though, Tony knew there wasn't any point in alcohol where Steve was concerned.

And what damn pity that was.

"You know, maybe we should do this more often. I mean, spend time together." Steve said sheepishly as they shared a shrimp cocktail.

"Having fun are we?" Tony said with a wink. "Maybe we should. Things are a lot less stressful without Clint's nagging and Pepper's bitching. And Natasha... Being Natasha. Don't get me wrong though, they all mean well."

"True." Steve replied thoughtfully. "...Thanks for all of this."

"Oh, we're not done yet." Tony reminded him with a wink, loving the way Steve bit his lip.

"I know. And I see what you meant earlier. I'm... Looking forward to it a bit now. I think." Steve commented, his face as red as a tomato.

"Shall we share dessert? They have awesome Tiramisu." Tony suggested.

"I have no idea what that is."

"Mother of God. Waiter! Get us a Tiramisu, stat!"

* * *

When they were finally in the elevator on the way to the penthouse, Steve could swear his heart was trying to pound its way out of his chest. He really hoped Tony couldn't hear it.

"Jarvis, turn off all notifications and lock the elevator unless it's an emergency. I don't want to be bothered unless someone's dying or the city's burning to the ground. Like, it had better be fucking Armageddon if I hear your voice before ten am tomorrow morning." Tony said as they entered the penthouse lounge. Steve had only been up here a couple times that he could recall.

" _Will do, sir. Enjoy your deflowering Mr. Rogers."_ The AI replied. Steve swore at Jarvis under his breath as Tony fell into outright hysterics at the AI's comment.

"Well, let's get this show on the road." Tony said, grinning like an idiot. "Bedroom's this way!" Steve took a deep breath and followed Tony into his bedroom that his entire apartment back in Brooklyn could have fit into twice over.

"Relax." Tony told him and slipped his arms around Steve's waist. "We won't do anything you aren't comfortable with. Tell me if you want me to stop." Steve nodded silently and let Tony pull him into a proper embrace. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around Tony's shoulders as the engineer placed a soft kiss against his lips. He melted into it, kind of surprised how good a simple kiss could feel.

When was the last time someone had kissed him? Peggy. _Technically_ that was over seventy years ago.

He tried not to think about it.

Steve rested his hands on Tony's hips as he unbuttoned his suit jacket and slid his fingers across his white silk undershirt. He sucked lightly at Steve's throat as he slowly started pulling apart buttons. Steve sighed quietly and leaned into the touch, thinking that he liked the way Tony's goatee tickled his skin.

"So," Tony said and ruffled his hair, "Top or bottom?" Steve froze for a moment and stared at him wide-eyed.

_This is really happening._

"Capcicle?"

"I don't... know?" He stammered. Tony sighed and shook his head, but took it as a good sign that Steve didn't push him away or try to make an escape.

"I'll tell you what, try for bottom and if you're not comfortable with that when we get there, we can switch. Good enough?" Steve nodded stiffly. "You need to chill, well don't fall asleep in any glaciers on me. But seriously, relax. It'll feel good, I promise."

"You don't have any glaciers in your penthouse." Steve muttered in a useless attempt to be condescending as Tony slid his hands under his shirt and slipped it down off his shoulders.

"There's always the fridge under the bar. You'll have to settle for that." Tony muttered, intent on having the last word, and stole another kiss that was significantly less timid than the one before. Steve returned it and would have gasped when Tony reached down and cupped his crotch in his hand, if his mouth hadn't been full of the engineer's tongue.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Steve thought that he should stop this before it went any further, but he didn't _want_ to. He leaned into Tony's touches as he trailed his fingers across his bare chest and ran a thumb across his nipple. Steve was finding that he really liked the way Tony's calloused hands brushed across his skin. He was too caught up in all the new feelings to be particularly ashamed of the heat of arousal that was quickly spreading through him.

"Bed." Tony whispered in his ear and gave him a light shove in the direction of his bed. Steve took a deep breath and allowed himself to be guided down onto the mattress. He bit his lip uncertainly as Tony crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. Steve tried to remember how to breathe as Tony ground their hips together so that their still clothed erections touched. He screwed his eyes shut and let his head fall back against the pillows as he felt Tony's hands on his crotch, undoing the buttons. He placed a few soft kisses on Steve's stomach as he pulled the zipper apart and massaged his thoroughly hard cock that was desperate to be free of his blue satin boxers.

Boxers.

Tony had really be thinking Steve would be a tighty-whities kind of guy. It was always nice to be proven wrong about some things. The little moan that escaped Steve's lips when Tony Slid his pants down, freeing his throbbing erection, was absolutely adorable. Forget getting a medal for making Steve swear, Tony wanted a goddamn monument in has name for how beautifully flushed Steve's face was as he positively ached with need. At moments like this, Tony felt like an artist working on a masterpiece.

"Steve." He murmured, sliding his finger's along his shaft – the size of which may or may not have made Tony somewhat glad he was (hopefully) going to be on top. Not that he hadn't expected that, it was pretty obvious by the bulge in Captain America's ridiculous spandex suit that he had quite a package. "How are we doing?"

Steve gasped and twisted his hands into the bedspread. He wasn't sure how much of this he could take.

Tony just smirked, and kissed the very tip of Steve's cock. He moaned and arched himself into Tony, who gladly took him into his mouth.

"Oh _God!_ " Steve gasped as Tony somehow managed to wriggle out of his pants, and grab the condom and bottle of lube he had in his back pocket, all while swallowing Steve whole. Steve was far too thoroughly distracted by what Tony knew was an _excellent_ blowjob to be too bothered the fingers gently prodding at his entrance. When Tony pushed in the first finger, Steve tensed and his breath caught in his throat.

_This is... I shouldn't..._

"Would you rather be on top?" Tony asked, massaging Steve's cock with his free hand. "If not, relax and trust me." Steve willed himself to relax and sighed.

"I'm okay." He breathed.

"We can stop if you want to."

"I'm okay." He repeated.

_I think I'll kill you if you stop._

Tony made sure Steve was good and ready (meaning moaning and desperately begging to be taken), before he got himself into position and slipped a condom on. Steve watched him curiously as Tony lifted his legs and gave him a smile as he pushed forward slowly. The super soldier choked on a moan and hung onto the sheets for dear life as Tony impaled him. Once fully inside, Tony stayed still for a bit so Steve could adjust and began to move a gentle pace when he finally relaxed.

"Tony..." He breathed, wrapping his arms around him and holding onto him for something – _anything –_ solid to cling to. He panted for breath, beginning to move with Tony on instinct and spiraling into an abyss of sensory overload. If someone had asked Steve Rogers his name in that moment, he'd blink at them in confusion, _if_ he'd even comprehended the question.

Tony knew Steve wasn't going to last long; he just didn't have the experience to hold out. Tony sped up the pace a bit, keeping it steady and measured. Steve was a hot trembling, moaning mess. All it took to finally send him over the edge was a slight change in Tony's angle, and one of the engineer's hands stroking his cock in rhythm with his thrusts. Steve came hard, with a loud almost whimpering sound, and spilled himself all over Tony's stomach. Tony followed soon after and gasped softly as Steve's muscles tensed around him.

"Well, was your deflowering satisfactory?" Tony asked, panting and withdrew slowly from Steve who shuddered when his softening cock slid out of him. Steve had to take several breaths and remind himself where he was for a moment before he found the will to answer.

"Very." He said huskily. "...When can we do that again?"

"Any time you want, darling. You know where to find me." Tony purred and kissed him as he wiped the evidence of Steve's release off his stomach with a corner of the bedspread.

* * *

The following morning, Steve wandered down the stairs into the lounge in search of breakfast. Tony had mumbled something about needing his beauty sleep, so Steve let him be. He was sore all over, which considering his super soldier biology, was something he really wasn't used to. But if he had to describe it, he'd say it was a good kind of sore.

When the stairs came to the landing for the lounge, he hesitated as he heard voices on the other side. It sounded like Pepper was there, and everyone was already up except for Tony. Steve looked to the wall clock that he could see through the crack of the door.

Ten o'clock. Steve very nearly swore and blew his cover.

 _I've_ never _slept this late in my life!_

"I can't believe you did that to him! That's just cruel." He heard Pepper said indignantly.

"I doubt they actually did it." Clint drawled. "They're probably sitting at the bar in the penthouse giggling like schoolgirls imagining our reactions."

"If Steve was in anyone else's penthouse, and not Stark's, I _might_ believe that." Natasha replied. It sounded like she had a mouthful of food. "Honestly I'm just surprised he actually took it seriously. Usually when we joke about him getting laid, he ignores us."

"Well, it's not like we could have actually forced him to do it." Bruce interjected.

"I find it hilarious that when we're serious about getting him a date, he won't take any of our shit. Yet when we're joking – because really, any one of _us_... That was inspired, Nat. ...He ends up on a dinner date and in bed with _Tony_." Clint said, barely suppressing laughter.

"Really?" Steve said, pushing the door open. "You were _joking_?!" He added shrilly. Clint dropped a spoonful of cereal and coughed. Natasha smiled mischievously. Bruce gave him an apologetic sort of shrug. Pepper just shook her head and shot him a look that quite plainly said she had nothing to do with it.

"So, is 'Iron Man' hard as steel where it counts?" Clint asked, recovering his shock quickly. Natasha smacked him and Pepper rolled her eyes. Bruce cleared his throat and glared pointedly at Clint.

"Yes." Steve said without the faintest trace of a blush and grabbed a cranberry muffin off the breakfast bar.

"Jesus Christ you actually -" Clint began.

"I'd be more worried about the old man here having erectile dysfunction." Tony said with a wink as he stepped out of the elevator, cutting Clint off mid-sentence.

"...Actually did it." The archer finished in disbelief. "Damn."

"Technically, you're older than me." Steve muttered mutinously. "Get you own muffin." He added with a grumble when Tony tried to take a bite of his.

"Fine." He pouted and settled in the chair next to Bruce with a blueberry one and a mug of coffee. "Anyway, if you meant what you said about it being fun spending time together, do you want to go on a picnic upstate somewhere? I'm free for the day." Tony added with a wink.

"Sure, sounds like a plan. ...I _really_ don't want to go to the autograph signing in central park anyway." Steve replied hopefully.

"Ugh, don't let his bad habits rub off on you." Pepper whined.

"I think he's done a bit more than just rubbing off on me, miss Potts." Steve said, again without the faintest trace of a blush or an awkward stutter. Clint choked on his cereal, and Bruce got sprayed with the coffee Tony was trying to drink. Natasha just shook her head and Pepper looked like she was going to pass out.

"Mother of God, what _have_ I done..." Tony said in awe. "Captain America just made a dirty innuendo... Forget the medal, I want my face carved in fucking Mount Rushmore by goddamn Michelangelo. I don't care, I'll invent a time machine. It's worth it."

"I blame the virginity police." Steve muttered mutinously. "Anyway, we should get going if we want to have a picnic in time for an early dinner."

"Picnic it is!" Tony agreed and followed Steve into the elevator.

Steve had no idea what he'd gotten himself into, but maybe it was just what he needed.


End file.
